Melissa Thinks Out Loud

Thumb+Green=Success

Each year I have great intentions of planting a wonderful garden filled with fun flowers and lots of yummy herbs and veggies.  I buy the seeds sometime in March and ask my hubby to go pick up topsoil for me.  Each weekend through April and most of May, I tell myself that I am going to go plant those seeds, and finally sometime in early June I get out there with Gracie and do some planting.  I  feel very proud of myself, and  get all excited about all of the wonderful things that are going to spring forth in my planting beds.

Each night when I get home from work I run outside and water my beds, and pull out any pesky weeds that look like they are going to encroach on my as yet invisible garden.  That continues for about two weeks.  Then I start skipping days.  I tell myself that the weatherman called for showers so I don't need to go out there today.  Then I over-water one night and tell myself I'm good for a few days.  Another few weeks go by and I go outside to check on my plants and I've got stubs here and there but everything looks a little sad and droopy.  I'm excited to see some kind of growth and I convince myself that lack of tending isn't really hurting my garden too much.   Still, I make a note to buy some fertilizer and try to pay more attention to my garden.  As more time passes I begin to feel guilty about the whole thing, and try to make a joke out of it.  I tell everyone I have a black thumb.

Eventually I just give up, which is right about where I am now.  I tell myself that I'm just not much of a gardener.  Not everyone has that innate ability to coax life from lifelessness I muse.  So I enjoy the 3-4 flowers I actually managed to grow without much tending, and go on about my normal flower-less and fresh-veggie-free life.

Meanwhile other people I know, in particular my dear friend Krista, are phenomenal gardeners.  They know when the optimal planting times are in our region, and they know what types of plants will grow best in each area of their garden.  They know because they did research and asked experts for tips.  Prior to buying their first seed or bag of soil they had a plan mapped out.  These gardeners don't just water for a couple of weeks.  No sir, they water daily unless there is a major rainstorm and, unless they actually see rain falling from the sky, they pay no attention to the weatherman, they water anyway.  They purchase fertilizer and use it according the the directions even!  They weed regularly to make sure that no "bad plants" are stealing water or nutrients from their precious seeds and seedlings.

I don't think you need to be Einstein to figure out where I'm going with this. 

Your dreams are your seeds.  Many people plant their dreams and, in the beginning, they are diligent in their care.  Unfortunately that initial enthusiasm wanes and they begin to do a very half-hearted job of tending them.  They expect nature to just take its course and are then disappointed  when they end up with a less than stellar outcome or worse, no outcome at all.  The truth is that anyone who really wants a beautiful garden can have one if they follow the examples of those who have done it before them.  There is no genetic gift that enables one to be a great gardener.  The same holds choose for achieving your dreams.  If you tend them properly, and persistently, they will come true. 

Step-By-Step Guide to Dream Gardening

 

Survey the land:
Be realistic about how many dreams and goals you can fit into your life.  If your garden is already overflowing you may need to prune some things and rip out others just to make room for your new plans. Overfilling your life will stress your resources and you won't be able to achieve maximum results.  Start small, you can always add as you go along.  By starting small you will be able to see success, and that will make you more inspired to cut ruthlessly through the overgrowth of your life.

Do your research:
Figure out what will grow best in your current environment.  Like they say in Real Estate, location, location, location.  If you are a time challenged working parent you may need to choose a smaller goal or dream to start with.  So instead of jumping into your own business right away, maybe a job as an employee in the industry you are aiming to one day dominate is a good starting point! If it is your first planting season, you will need to learn the basics and leave room in your crop for mistakes.  If you plant an acre of pumpkins without knowing hot to operate a hose you are going to have a problem, right?   By taking the employee role you can learn the ins and outs of an industry while still being able to meet your commitments to your family and spouse.  Then when you have mastered the field you will be in much better shape to go onto a bigger challenge.  My father went from being a draftsman to owning a kosher restaurant without ever having worked a day in his life in the restaurant business.  The mistakes were many and costly and he eventually ruined his health and his business.  I often wonder if he could have avoided that fate by truly learning the restaurant business before going on his own.

Enjoy your garden:
Your current life and circumstances are the soil of your future garden. Take time each day to appreciate the beauty of your life.  Truly be grateful for this fertile soil and for the miracles that exist this very moment in your life.  Pause and be still and feel the love that surrounds you.  By looking clearly at what you have and appreciating it, you will find the kind of peace and grounding that is the true joy of gardening.

Water and fertilize:
Pulling out that old notebook you wrote your goals in once or twice a month is no way to create success.  Keep your dreams and your goals along with their timelines in a place where you will see them every day, many times a day. Visualize your success daily.  Don't wait for the universe to water your dreams, you have to do that yourself.  While the universe will certainly rain success into your life on its own from time to time, real and lasting success is created by making your own rain each and every day.  Feed your dreams with visualization and by getting out at least once a week to touch your dreams.  Run out to a few open houses on a Sunday afternoon to get the feel of what it is like sit in the living room of your dream house.  Go to the dealership and breathe in that new car smell.  Take a ride to the beach one afternoon and imagine that you are on that island hideaway as you smell the salt air and listen to the crashing waves. Nourishing your dreams must become an ingrained habit that is right up there with eating and breathing.  Trust me, there is a reason that EVERY motivational writer and speaker harps on this particular topic ;-)

Weed like a person possessed:
Nothing is worse for your dreams than negative people.  They are like energy vampires who suck away your positive energy.  You have got to ruthlessly cut them out of your life.  Whether it is by arming yourself with a super strong positive attitude when you know you'll be visiting "those family members" ( we all have them) or by choosing not to spend your free time with friends who live in a constant state of drama and disaster.  If you let the negativity  grow in your life it will slowly, but oh so very surely suck away all the strength that should be going to your future. A good gardener won't let weeds live a day in their precious soil and neither should you!

Talk to your plants:
My grandmother was a huge believer in talking to plants.  I'm pretty sure the real reason this works is that they suck up the CO2 from your breath, but it was fun to watch her talk to her Prayer Plants and African Violets while she watered them!   Words are unbelievably powerful. Speak joy and wealth and health into your life.  Listen to what you are telling yourself and make sure that you are not breathing lack and sadness into your own garden.  Affirm to yourself daily that you are vital, happy, wealthy and blessed with a joyful and abundant life.

While it is true that I did not inherit my grandmother's passion for gardening in the real sense, I most definitely have succeeded with my dream garden one might even say I am the proud bearer of my very own dream green-thumb.  I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the true key to success in any endeavor, whether it is gardening or starting a business, is consistent and persistent action.  The drive to engage in that type of action comes from loving what you do.

My friends and family who have the most gorgeous gardens are also the people who are insanely passionate about those gardens.  They live for Saturday mornings so they can rise at the crack of dawn to spend the morning weeding, pruning and otherwise communing with their gardens.  While others might look upon mulching with dread and look for any excuse to skip the watering, they look forward to it!  When you visit their homes they take you on extensive tours of their gardens pointing out each and every variety as if they were their children.  The garden itself gives them a sense of great fulfillment.  Sharing their bounty by sending you home with arm loads of produce or baskets of fresh flowers gives them even greater joy!   Whatever dreams you choose to pursue must give you that same kind of joy and energy.  If you are chasing a dream that doesn't have you hopping out of bed at dawn excited for a new day then your are on the wrong track.  When the work itself becomes the joy you are most definitely on the road to success.  

 

Who do you think you are?

Somewhere around the age of 12 or 13 it began to dawn on me that I saw existence far differently than most people around me.  While others my age were trying to decide between Ponch or Jon I was wondering what made me alive and a rock not alive.  Where did the energy that perpetually powers my body come from and where was it before it got in here?  Where were we before we were born and where do we go when we die?  Yeah, I was a blast at sleepovers!

It was this insatiable curiosity that led me to a lifelong interest in all things religious, spiritual, metaphysical and medical.   I have been trying to decide if our body (mind in tow) is who we are, or if our soul is who we are and the body is a machine we inhabit until the soul leaves.  Have you grappled with the same questions?  What have you come up with?  I will share my most recent thoughts, but be warned, they are a bit "out there".   

I believe I am a combination of a soul/spirit/energy (I'll stick w/spirit for now) and a biological organism that join to form a system.    I am basically in a host/symbiont relationship.  My physical body is the host and the spirit is the symbiont and together they make me who I am.  I'll admit that it is possible that my love of Star Trek has helped to foster this idea with its example of the Trill , who are a symbiont race from another planet.  Seriously though, I think that this might be what separates humans from less sentient forms of life on this planet.  When our spirit joins with this very complex biological organism they become one of the most magical systems in the universe. A true meld of matter and energy. 

Our brains are the communication center for this union with the spirit having more interaction in the Cerebral Cortex, where the more advanced brain functions are processed, and significantly less in what is sometimes referred to as the Reptilian Brain.  This Reptilian Brain is where most of our basic instincts reside, such as fight or flight and aggression.  For me this helps to explain why I sometimes feel like I am two people.  I am.  Melissa is a spirit and a body co-located in the same space.  Sometimes my Reptilian Brain will fire off some orders to my body that my Cerebral Cortex doesn't really agree with, and I feel anxiety or I do something that I would call irrational such as being afraid of spiders or drunk dialing, LOL.   I'm going to blame about 80% of my chocolate eating on my little lizard buddy ;-) Seriously, though I am very aware when my instincts are pushing me in one direction, and my heart is telling me something else, and this theory is helping me to understand that duality.

Believing that we are more than physical has certainly helped me cope with the loss of loved ones because I know that a part of them goes on.  On the other hand, the belief that the loss of their body does mean that a part of what made them "them" is gone forever, is still very painful.  Perhaps I will see my Grandma or my late husband again in another realm, but will I know them?  Will they know me?  Will we care? 

So where do the symbionts go when they leave the host?  I'm not sure, but as they are energy I know they cannot be destroyed just as our bodies being matter cannot be destroyed, but they can both be transformed.  I would like to believe that my spirit will retain some knowledge of its time on earth with this body. I hope it will retain the essence of all of those hugs and kisses, and the feel of my child cradled in my arms and the aroma of a fine wine.   I even hope it will retain the essence of pain, if for no other reason than to keep it strong as it goes wherever is next on its journey.  As much as I make fun of this  body of mine, I think that it is a pretty good host.  It certainly knows how to keep a symbiont from going hungry!

I find that as I ponder these thoughts I am saddened by the impermanence of it all.  The system known as Melissa will only exist for 100 years at best and then will be no more.  There will never be another Melissa.  Even if the spirit goes on to join with another biological organism it won't be me anymore.  I find that this somehow makes me cherish me more than ever, and my imperfections seem wondrous and beautiful in light of this miracle bonding they are a part of.

I suspect that over the years my ideas will continue to evolve and change, but this answer to the question of my identity is working for me at the moment, and that is all that really matters. It is inspiring me to enjoy my time as Melissa more and to search out new experiences for her.  I probably will not be able to take a doggy bag of this life with me onto the next adventure so I had better eat up while I'm here.

On that eating note, the Reptilian Brain is attempting to drag the Melissa System, Cerebral Cortex and all, to the vending machine for a Milky Way.   If you'll pardon a second Trek reference in one post, I suspect that resistance is futile.

Very quick post

Just wanted to pop in to share what I've been playing with for the past two weeks.  I purchased The Holosync Solution from Centerpointe Research and I am in love.  I had used self-hypnosis and mediation CD's before, but I never really liked them so I stopped.  I signed up for the free trial for these products from Centerpointe and absolutely loved the sounds on it.  Like a flash I ordered the Awakening Prologue 1 set and I have been listening for two weeks.  First of all let me say that Bill Harris and his company way over-deliver on this product.  You get way more for your money than they mention in the ads....waaayyyy more!  The amount of support they give in the forms of printed literature, books, CD seminars and their hotline is just amazing to me.  It shows me that they really are committed to assisting their customers on this journey.  Very smart business move and very kind as well.

My initial experiences with the CD's have been interesting.  I keep falling asleep which kind of cracks me up since it usually takes me at least an hour to fall asleep.  Now I'm dropping off in about 10 minutes.   Right around the last few minutes of a CD I'll wake up and be very surprised that I fell asleep.  Apparently that's all part of the process and is quite normal.  What I have noticed in my life so far that I find interesting is that I keep straightening up my house.  That's very unusual for me!!!  VERY!!  Not sure what that's about, but I find it funny.  Otherwise I feel very introspective and, while I have been working on two articles, I have yet to publish them here.  I'm still tweaking and mulling, also unusual for me.  The articles should be up within a week and I guarantee they will be worth the wait.  In the meantime go checkout the Holosync Solution.  Very cool stuff!!!

Eavesdropping on your mind...

I am absolutely loving The Answer.  That's my review in a nutshell.  Need me to elaborate a bit?  Okay.  There is some great spiritual advice coupled with quantum mechanics that really opened up my mind even further to our potential as human beings.  The part that amazes me is that while very skillfully presenting the spiritual material, Assaraf and Murray are able to couple it with very concrete business advice.   I've read business books that address the psychological or spiritual, but the primary focus was clearly on the business tasks and vice versa.  This is truly the first book that I have seen go to both extremes in the extreme and I'm loving it!  So if you, like myself, are looking to grow you business in a way that will make it an extension of your true self instead of losing yourself to it, this is the book for you!

So about the title for today's post.  If you have ever attempted to meditate you know that the first step is to quiet your mind.  If you are anything like me you found that way harder than it sounds.  When I closed my eyes for the first time and began to relax, I saw the most strange and random images floating in my mind. To help myself focus I formed an image of a specific object like a sunflower and that seemed to help with the "visual noise".    Once that was somewhat under control, I noticed something more disturbing.  I was hearing voices!  I suspected that I might actually be insane but, after asking around,  I found that others had encountered the same phenomenon.  It was the sound of old conversations, TV broadcasts, radio, the neighbors; anything that I had heard recently was rattling around in my head.  Even things I hadn't  heard in years and years, such as the theme song from S.W.A.T. or my  grandmother singing me to sleep.  We all have these "voices" playing in the background of our minds, as a matter of fact advertisers have capitalized on that reality for decades.  The scary part to me was that I was not consciously aware that  this soundtrack was playing and more importantly I was not aware of what it was playing.  One day, after trying unsuccessfully to quiet the "voices" I decided to try the "if you can't beat'em, join'em" approach and I sat back and just listened.  I began to eavesdrop on my mind.  What an amazing experience!

Little by little as the random noise of old conversations and commercials faded away, I would turn my mind towards a particular topic that I was working on such as weight loss. I would focus on my visualization while being open to eavesdropping on myself.  I heard some interesting and not very flattering statements in my mind.  I would be visualizing myself back to my ideal weight and focus on feeling the feelings of accomplishment and confidence and somewhere just on the periphery of my consicousness there was this small voice saying "yeah right" or "it will never happen".   I was pretty surprised and not a little bit annoyed at myself.  I began to wonder how often this little voice was talking smack about me so I made it a point to keep an ear out for it throughout my day.

While riding in my car listening to the The Secret for the 500th time I was at a part about financial abundance and I was telling myself that I can have and do deserve abundance and there was that voice again in the distance saying "not for you".  Here I am walking around thinking that I am Little MIss Positive Thinking when in reality I'm more Negative Nancy.  Could this be the reason that I am not achieving in certain areas of my life.  Do I still have limiting beliefs that I am hiding from myself?

Mind you this negative thinking actually centered on two areas of thinking, which I touched upon in my earlier post, Healthy, Wealthy, Wise and Happy.  I discovered that when people would talk about wealth and money and material things I would subconsciously be telling myself that those words did not apply to me.  I could hear my background voices saying "not me" , "never happen" and "bullcrap" (oh and it wasn't actually bullCRAP I was thinking).  On weight loss I realized that I don't believe that I can and will be thin again.  Notice I put that in the present tense?  I'm still working on that one. 

I find this all very ironic. Here I am doing all the work; the reading, listening, journaling, meditating, taking action and praying, and all the while my own mind is stabbing me in the back!  If a friend or family member were saying the things to me that I am saying to myself I would be so hurt and angry.  I wouldn't hang around them anymore.  Well how on earth was I to get away from Negative Nancy living rent free in my mind?  I finally figured it out. 

I told myself to shut up.

I continue to tell myself to shut up all the time now.  Every single time I hear a negative thought I blast it out of my mind with a positive counteracting thought.  I have read and heard repeatedly that our minds are plastic. We can retrain our brains, we can form new neural pathways.  I believe that as surely as I believe the sky is blue.  So I know that I can create new pathways that will replace the old ones.  As a matter of fact, the idea of neural pathways makes sense of this whole "voices in my mind" thing .  I have heard so many of these thoughts from myself, my family and my friends for so long and so repeatedly that they are like ruts carved into my brain.  Well it's time to bring out the road crew and do some re-paving.

I've been working on this for about three or four weeks and I find that I am definitely making some headway.  I won't tell you that this is easy, but it is very worth it.  Now when I visualize myself with that big house with the giant kitchen it doesn't feel fake, and I don't hear any chatter in the background about it not happening.  I can feel myself responding more favorably to mentions of wealth and discussions about material things.  My belief is moving from theory to reality and I can feel a subtle shift in my mind.  As that belief is growing, my actions towards my dream are becoming more bold.  I have signed up a Life Coaching client who is a physician.  How's that for bold?

I am honestly not having as much success on the weight loss issue, but I haven't been focusing as much on that one.  I like to make changes in chunks. I find it more manageable that way ;-) 

I encourage you all to take a moment here and there to quiet your minds and become aware of the voices of your limiting beliefs.  They may not have been put there by you.  They may be legacies of the family you were raised in, religious beliefs, general cultural norms and even TV commercials.  It doesn't matter where they came from, what matters is that you tell them it is time to shut up and go away. If you don't conquer yourself, you cannot conquer the world ;-)

I'll keep you posted on my progress and I would love to hear about your own experiences as you being to eavesdrop on your mind.

 

J.K. Rowling Says it best....

Read one of the most amazing commencement speeches ever here.

Changing my thoughts about wealth...

As I mentioned in my post Healthy, Wealthy, Wise and Happy I have had some lifelong issues about wealth.  I discovered that I had some limiting beliefs hiding inside my mind which prevented me from allowing myself to want wealth.  Well, as you know, I'm all about change.  So look at what I ordered today!!!!

While I own many books and CD's on building businesses and management, I would not previously have purchased one that included the words "Achieve Financial Freedom" in the title.  I would have immediately recoiled and thought the book was full of .....well, not good stuff, LOL.  Now I'm psyched to put action to my newfound dreams of financial success and independence.  I looked at a Jag in the parking lot yesterday and thought 'yeah, I could drive one of those'  ;-)  The other book I ordered was:

 

I saw this on James Ray's website a while back and totally dismissed it.  You see even though it mentions wealth throughout all facets of your life, it did talk about actual financial wealth and that just wasn't my cup of tea.  Like poverty is????  Duh!!!  So I'm excited about getting this one too!!  You will be sure to see reviews on both so stay tuned!!!!  Have you made any changes in your thought patterns lately?  Letting go of any limiting beliefs?  Did you remember to visualize? 

Find the Happy...

After my last post one of my readers wrote that she would be looking forward to future posts on the issue of happiness. So, Diane this one is for you!  I know that the very simple act of being happy seems to elude people sometimes and, after years of struggling with it myself, I think I've got this one somewhat figured out.  The amazing part is that I don't think that happiness is missing from our lives at all !  What happens is that we get so busy and focused on other issues that we no longer take the time to actually experience the happiness that is already there. Sound a little crazy?  Stick with me for a bit and it will all start to make sense. 

Let's relate this to one of my favorite topics - eating.  If you have ever tried to lose weight you have heard or read that mindful eating is an important part of the process.  What many of us tend to do is to eat while we are doing something else (like I'm doing right now).  Our minds are focused elsewhere so we are not getting the full enjoyment of the experience.  In addition we are not getting the message from our brains that says "I'm full now" until it is too late, but that's another issue for another post.

We do this very same thing with experiencing the moments in our lives that, if we were paying attention, would bring us joy and in the end give us a sense of overall happiness.  I used to be very , very good at this mindful happiness thing and somewhere along the way, I seem to have forgotten it.  This really hit home for me Friday morning as I was driving from one office to another.  It was an absolutely gorgeous spring day in New Jersey and as I was driving down the Parkway listening to Mike Dooley and brainstorming ways to increase office sales, I noted briefly to myself how blue the sky was.  Then I kept right on multi-tasking my brain out. Suddenly, the hand of God or the Universe tapped me on the shoulder and said "Uh, excuse me for interrupting, but you are missing a truly beautiful experience appearing right in front of your eyes. The sky is the most perfect blue and the clouds are wonderfully fluffy with just a hint of wispiness, exactly the way you like them.  Why don't you take a moment to turn off the radio, shut your brain up and really drink in the scenery".

So I did.

I didn't stop driving, but I did turn Mike off for a bit and gaze lovingly at the sky and clouds and the beautiful new green of the grass and trees around me as I was gliding down the highway.  I stopped focusing on my future and enjoyed my present.   It felt really, really good. 

There are so many moments in our every day lives, no matter how stressful or busy, that would stir the joy within us if we allowed ourselves to be aware of them.  Do you find yourself standing in line at the store in a hurry to get back to work with your sandwich and soda, while editing a power-point slide in your head?  Why not take a real look at that baby in front of you with the gorgeous brown eyes instead?  Make some funny faces at her.  I bet she'll laugh or if she's little enough give you a beautiful drool-filled smile.  I bet you'll smile back, and I bet that for just that brief moment, if you allow yourself, you will feel joy bubble up inside. 

Often I find that I am pressed for time with all of the hats that I wear, and I'll be at home working on a project when my sweetie girl  comes over and wants to play or sit on my lap and read a book together.  My instinct is to say "not right now", but then I remember that she will only be this little once and for only a very brief time.  I remember that all we really have in life the are moments happening right now.  So I put the work aside and hold her close.  I inhale deeply and settle into the sensations of being truly present with her.  The smell of her hair, the feeling of her soft arms entwined with mine.  The sound of her voice and her laughter.  I listen closely to her words and watch in amazement as her mind works to find humor or reason or understanding as we communicate.  In those moments I am so infused with joy and happiness that I feel like I can fly! 

My greatest secret to happiness is to exercise a bit  perspective.  It lifted me up from my lowest point in life and I know it can help you too.  Sometimes when we look at our lives it seems that the "bad" is so overwhelming that there is no room for happiness or joy.  Problems with money, health, family, careers etc. can seem to darken every second of our lives and they can blind us.  When you feel that way I would like to challenge you to look at your life, day by day, and ask yourself these questions.  How many times did I laugh on Monday?  How many times did I cry?  How about Tuesday?  Did I smile more than once on Wednesday?  I'm not even remotely kidding with this one folks.  I HAD to do this myself at a time when depression was crushing me into dust.  I had to convince myself that I was actually happy or give up on life altogether. When I stepped back and looked at my days I realized that ,overall, I laughed way more than I cried.  I smiled way more than I frowned.  I saw that even in the depths of my despair there were things I enjoyed.  There were TV shows that perked my attention, and songs on the radio that spurred me to turn up the volume.  There was diet coke and chocolate and there was hope.  They were small, so very very small at first, these  moments that were the sole evidence of  the happiness left in my life.  Yet slowly, over time, with practice and, yes, effort on my part,  it all began to grow.  The more I looked for the joy, the more joy I found.  If I was watching an episode of Babylon 5 at lunch with my friends, I focused on staying in that moment. I was not worrying about work, or letting my mind drift to my grief at the loss of my husband.  I enjoyed the moment that I was living right then and allowed the joy to grow.  I laughed at my friends' jokes and enjoyed the dialog and special effects in the show.  From those lunches I would return to my desk feeling somewhat lighter and more able to cope with the hours ahead.

I had a cat named Makita at the time, and I would go home and pick him and snuggle against his warm fur and just listen to his purr of absolute contentment.  It's amazing how cats can so embrace a moment. That purr was like a message to me saying "ahhhh, yes, this moment is wonderful". 

In the mornings I would drag myself out of my lonely bed and go for a brisk walk.  I would sometimes listen to inspirational music and other times I would just listen to the birds.  I would focus on the strength in my body and the feeling of the breeze on my face and the beauty of the early morning light and I would know that life was still good.  The alternative to the walk would have been laying in bed focusing on what was missing in my life and wallowing in my pain.  I did that quite a bit and found that it only made me feel worse, whereas this getting up and walking thing made me feel happy!

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not advocating ignoring your pain, fear or grief.  What I am advocating is also acknowledging all of the good and wonderful in your life.  You might be battling chronic pain, or terminal illness, and if you are my heart goes out to you.  Yet even with that darkness in your life, there must still be plenty of light.  You can choose to focus on the pain exclusively and let it rule your days or you can focus on the moments of joy and laughter when they happen.

Happiness is a choice.  It is not given to you, you must take it yourself and hold onto it.  Sometimes you even have to fight for it!  The beautiful thing is that when you have found it you can make it grow and eventually as the joy builds in your life you will find that sustaining it is easier and easier.  Staying focused on the moment becomes habit forming and what a darned good habit to have! 

So here's your challenge for today.  Pay attention to the world around you.  Be present in the moments you are living and when you come across one that makes you smile or laugh grab it and hold on and really, really enjoy it.  Shut out all other distractions and be 100% fully present in that moment of joy.  I can't tell you where the happy might be lurking in your life today or tomorrow, but I can tell you with absolute confidence that it is there.  Now get out there and find the happy!!!!!

Healthy, Wealthy, Wise and Happy

I am aware that I have somewhat butchered Mr. Franklin's words in this title, but I needed a mantra or slogan that fit me and this one pretty much covers it all.  I've been listening to Mike Dooley in the car since my transfer,  and one of his suggestions was to break down your goals and desires into single words so you can create a mantra to repeat to yourself all day.  I've done this before in various forms and had some real success with it, so I'm going to go for it again.  Last year I had "focused, productive, accountable" on a label on my monitor. It was a great reminder and it really helped me achieve a great deal at work.

This year, I've been struggling a bit as I decided to take a promotion here at HQ and spend less time focusing on my scrapbooking businesses for the moment.  My identity has been a bit off.  I don't  feel as much myself as I usually do.  Don't ask me to define that feeling.  If you've had it, you know what I mean.  I just feel "off". At the same time I also feel fat, in pain and somewhat concerned about my cash flow going into 2008.  Very motivating, right?

I have goals for the year that include releasing some unneeded pounds, healing the deterioration of my spine and increasing my earning potential in my new job, while still searching for that perfect role in life that also pays extremely well.  Should be pretty achievable right?   Are you laughing at me????  Stop that!!!

I chose the words in my mantra very carefully, in other words they just came to me as I was driving.  Honestly, many of my best ideas come to me when I am not trying at all.   As I was thinking about a mantra and what my goals were I began to hear words in the background of my mind.  I realized I was hearing good old Ben's Early to Bed proverb, and I knew I was on the right track.  Ben Franklin happens to be one of my heroes so it was a good sign from the universe.

As to the specific words and their meanings to me, here's my thinking.  Healthy might seem obvious, but in my mind I am specifically tackling the weight  that I have gained, and the problems with my spine that are supposedly permanent and inoperable.  At the very least releasing the weight that I have gained will certainly help with my back, but I also believe that if people can heal themselves of cancer I can heal my spine.  I just need to focus, be mindful and have faith.

Happy and wise should be easier as all I need to do is look at my family and the happy is there. I just need to remember to stay in the moment and enjoy the little things and I'm good.  Truthfully, for someone who has the specter of depression in her past, happy is something that requires mindfulness and strong focus at times.  I have worked very hard to reprogram my mind to respond to stress and tragedy in a healthy and constructive way, and I need to continually reinforce that training.  Wise, well with all the time I spend reading and writing about personal growth I would hope I'm getting wiser every day, LOL. Wisdom supposedly comes with age and time, but the kind of wisdom I'm thinking of is more like enlightenment and peace.  In my mind it is the Grace that can only come from those quiet moments we spend alone with God.  So, I need to remind myself to take the time to be still and know God, as the saying goes.

Wealthy.  Ah, yes.  Wealthy.   Let me tell you why I need to focus on that in a big way.  I immediately cancel out wealthy when I say it in regards to myself.  I have been programmed from birth to be poor or at the very least on the edge financially.  I'm not joking!  As my mind formed I was repeatedly taught that people like us don't have nice things, nice homes, or money to take vacations.  No matter how much success I have in life, I always end up with a nearly empty bank account.  In my home people with money were looked down upon as being lucky and superficial and somehow not "good" people.  Whenever someone in the family, who did manage break out of the mold, bought a big house or an expensive car the rest would say "must be nice" in an incredibly sarcastic and menacing tone.  It was as if the person had done something to wrong them by being successful.  This can really, really twist your beliefs about money.  Since what we get is what we believe, you can see where this is a problem.

Yet with all of the work I have done on my personal growth and overhauling my beliefs I have always kept my distance from this particular issue.   I have to fix this in myself, if not for myself then for Gracie.  Oh did you see that?  I just made this about being a good parent.  It's like I cannot make it okay to be wealthy just for the sake of myself being wealthy!  Geez Louise...

Here are some real thoughts that go through my head when I think the word "wealthy":

-other people
-not me
-hard
-not right
-impossible
-unrealistic
-never
-when I become a speaker I'm never going to teach about wealth because that is so superficial (really, i have thought that while hearing other speakers speak about their millions).
-guilt
-greed

Okay then...I think I'll stop that for now.  Believe me, I could go on and that's the problem.  So I've got some work to do on this area.  I hate to admit it, but I even skip chapters in books and on CD's about wealth building.  Yeah, that's embarrassing.

What I find even more curious is that I have tackled things about myself and my life that are probably way harder than this.  When I say depression, I'm not talking the blues.  I'm talking suicide.  Only the knowledge that my death would destroy my family kept me going some days.  The thought of my grandmother getting the news that I had killed myself forestalled my hand over and over again.   So, if I can bring myself out of that darkness, if I can get through the loss of my husband after only five weeks of marriage and if I can get over hating God, life and the universe, I'm pretty sure I can do this.  I just need to believe that I can be wealthy and that I want to be wealthy and that it is okay to want it.  I don't want just enough money.  I have that now.  What I want is a lot of money.  I'd like it relatively quickly as well.   A couple of years from now I'd like to be buying my dream house and sending Gracie to private school.  I'm not even remotely kidding.  I know I can do this.  Other people do it every day, why not me?

It all starts with my mantra.  I am healthy, wealthy, wise and happy.  Yup, that's me in a nutshell.

What are you?  Got the wealth and not the health?  Want love but it just doesn't seem to happen for you?  Have you given up on having dreams because things like that don't happen for people like you?  Too old for your life to change?  That's a bunch of crap and you need to know it.  Listen to what your heart and mind are saying behind your back about your dreams and goals, then shut them up once and for all and insert your own words in their place.  Words have power and you have power over your words.  Never forget that.

Let me know what mantras or slogans you come up with! 

If I had 145 millon dollars and a yellow suit...

The Mega Millions lottery in my area was up to $145million this weekend. We had tickets of course.  I love buying lottery tickets and dreaming.  I tend to be a dreamer anyway, but somehow it seems more socially acceptable to dream when you have a lottery ticket in your pocket.  What do I dream of?  Well I've got a pretty long list of items.  I've heard over and over again that a good way to find out  your true passion is to imagine you've won the lottery.  What you dream about doing is what you are passionate about. The theory goes that if you were to pursue those activities now you would find true happiness and prosperity.  I have to admit that sometimes I hesitate on this point.  I worry that what I would really do if I won the lottery is quite a bit of nothing.  Since it is unlikely I could become wealthy doing nothing, I fear there is a flaw in the theory.  This fear may be the very thing that keeps hanging me up in my visualization.  So let's play this game for real.  Tonight they are going to pick my winning ticket for $166million.  What would I do?

At that moment:    Scream and cry and hug my husband, child and mother like a lunatic.

10 minutes later: Leave message for boss telling her I will be out because I need to go to Trenton to collect my money!!!  Meanwhile Bill is on phone with our family freaking out.

The next day:  Go get my paperwork done and arrange my annuity payments.

Day Two:  Go to work and give official notice.  I would give them a month if they needed it.

Day Three through last day of work:  Shop alot online.  What do I get?

• New laptop
• Everything in the Coldwater Creek Catalog that I want
• Summer clothes for Gracie
• Crocs in every color
• Begin looking at house plans

Weekend one:
Go to open houses for 4+ bedroom 3bath houses in Scotch Plains with enough room for us to have my in-law join us when they are ready. Look carefully for swing sets to indicate the presence of children Gracie's age in the nearby homes. This is a MUST have for me living in a neighborhood right now with no kids for Gracie to play with. 

Week Two:

• Start getting contractors in to fix up things in our current house.  Get landscaping and a nicer swing set for Gracie.  Hire painter to re-do the inside.  Why am I doing this if I'm buying my dream home? Because I plan to give this home away to someone in need and I want it to look nice for them, that's why!
• Start setting up trust funds for all of the kids in our family and figure out how we can help with immediate needs of our family and close friends.
• Make really big donation to Community Foodbank of New Jersey.

Week Three:  Keep working if they want me to, while I keep looking for a new home ;-)

Weekend Two:

• Dinner at Restaurant David Drake ;-) 
• More house shopping
• Bill will probably be car shopping at this point.
• Day trip to Scrapbooking Moments in Time for huge Shopping Spree!!!!

Week Four: Am I really still at work?????   Don't they know I'm just surfing the internet for a new home? 

Week Five:  Finally home. My new schedule...

• Get up at 6:30.  Workout.
• Wake Gracie Up & get her ready for school
• 9AM drop Gracie off
• 9:15 to 2:55PM - scrapbook my freaking brains out!!!!  Read, maybe watch a movie.  Shop a bit.

Week Six:  Still looking for the perfect home.  May need to have one built.  No problem.  Still loving the new schedule!!!  Not scrapping as much and getting a little antsy sometimes.

Week Seven:  Putting offer on a house to tear down and rebuild.  All my effort goes into building the new house.  Let's say that keeps me busy for the next year okay? 

Fast foward to year two.
We're in our dream house.  I've decorated and furnished it.  Gracie is in first grade and I'm doing some class mother stuff.  I have a cleaning lady and a landscaper and Bill cooks.  So what am I doing all day?  Am I still scrapping.  Come on , really? Every day, all day?  Am I writing?  Every single day?  Maybe.  What am I writing about?  Fiction?   Nah. I get bored with my own plots too easily.  Non-fiction?  About what? 

That's it right there folks!!!!!  Writing non-fiction.  I felt it!!  Really and truly, right there I felt it.  There was a stirring ever so slight within my gut.  That thought got me!!  Writing about self-improvement, spiritual growth, business skills, communication, and relationships.  All that good stuff.  I can see myself doing that.  Blogging, writing, podcasting, getting out and speaking.  Oh yeah baby, the fingers are flying now!!!

So there's my answer.  While winning the lottery would not likely mean immediate immersion into a passion outside of my family, eventually the stay at home mom in the dream house fantasy would give way to the core of who I have always been.  What do I dream of as I fall asleep at night?  What is the daydream that is most real and most precious to me?  I see myself on stage in a yellow suit...don't ask me why. I don't own one, and I can't imagine I would, but it's there,okay?.  So I'm in my yellow suit speaking in an arena like Madison Square Garden or The Rock.  I'm on a Tony Robbins stage and I am sharing my insights to thousands of people and they are hearing me, really hearing me and getting me, and I can feel them responding and even as I write this I can feel the tears welling in my eyes.  Gracie is in the audience looking up at me with those huge brown eyes and I am so proud to be in this moment.  Bill is just offstage where I can see him when I need a touchstone, an anchor.  I know I am living my dream and I am soaring. 

Back to reality...

How can I get there without winning the lottery?  Can I write every day without winning the lottery?  Honestly, right now, yes, I can.  Can I blog? Uh, that's pretty obvious ;-)  Can I grow that slowly but surely into small speaking engagements while still working here?  I've done it before, I can do it again.  If I pursue this dream in faith and do it because I love it will my dream come true?  I'll never know until I try.

Gratitude

I bought a gratitude journal several months ago.  It's home.  I never make the time to write in it when I'm home.  Maybe I should put it in my purse???  Anyway, I'm sitting here thinking that I really haven't stuck to my goal to write down my gratitude list every day.  By the way, I have a fun new approach to to-do lists.  I have added my visualization items on my to-do list so I see it all day long on my desk. Here's my today's to-do list:

1. Johnathan F Agreement
2. Quick Bills
3. Renewal REminders
4. VO renewal project
5. Heal my back
6. Sell offices
7. Be happy
8. Clean my desk
9. Process Taste Checks
10. Love what I do
11.  Call Auction winners
12. Take office pictures

Now about that gratitude thing. Here's my list of things I am grateful for today.  I hope this will inspire you to write your own list no matter how silly or serious.  Just write it down and feel grateful ;-)

1.  I'm grateful that I am who I am.  I know that's all Popeye sounding, but there are really some things that I like about myself and as I get older I'm liking myself even more ;-)  It's a really good feeling and I wonder if everyone likes themselves.  I'm pretty secure and confident and I like that about me.  So why not be grateful for it.

2. Always grateful for Bill.  He is my rock forever and always.  I am grateful for the sound of his voice on the other end of the phone during the day.  I love it when he calls me to share moments, thoughts or funny ideas.  I still to this day get a thrill at the sound of his voice and when I see him at the end of my day. How's that for something to be grateful for.  I'm more in love today than I was when I first married him ;-)

3.  Gracie.  Man is she a trip.  I am so grateful for having been blessed with such a funny, sweet and special girl.  She just cracks me up.  Her personality is a ray of sunshine that can pull me out of any funk instantly.  I'm very grateful that she is healthy and happy and safe.

4. food.  No joke.  I spend a lot of time each spring working on a fundraiser for our local foodbank.  Do you know how many people in America do not have enough food?  Seriously!!!  I'm not kidding.  I am very grateful that I have so much food that I overeat and gain weight!!!!!  Gracie has never known hunger and poverty and I am so grateful for that.

5.  My back.  Yeah, it's got some issues, but I see people in wheelchairs all the time who have spines that do not work anymore.  So mine may hurt, but I'm grateful that I can feel the pain, keep walking and function pretty normally. 

6.  Computers.  God I love these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7.  The internet.....dittio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. My mom.  I am so grateful to have her with me.  Gracie gets to have the kind of relationship with her that I had with my grama and I know how much that meant to me.  I get to have my friend and mommy with me every day and I really like her too ;-)

9.  Bill's family.  I am so grateful to have such a good, cool set of in-laws.  No drama, lots of fun and lots of love and people I genuinely like!   What more can you ask for.

10.  Star Trek.  Really.  I couldn't fall asleep last night and I just needed to unwind.  I went downstairs after everyone was asleep and Star Trek 4 the Voyage Home was on.  I watched the whole thing.  It was like putting on an old well-loved robe.  A few holes and a little worn in spots, but exactly what you need when you are feeling achy ;-)

Yes, I have sooooo much to be grateful for.  I am one lucky girl ;-)

 

I bought a gratitude journal several months ago.  It's home.  I never make the time to write in it when I'm home.  Maybe I should put it in my purse???  Anyway, I'm sitting here thinking that I really haven't stuck to my goal to write down my gratitude list every day.  By the way, I have a fun new approach to to-do lists.  I have added my visualization items on my to-do list so I see it all day long on my desk. Here's my today's to-do list:

1. Johnathan F Agreement
2. Quick Bills
3. Renewal REminders
4. VO renewal project
5. Heal my back
6. Sell offices
7. Be happy
8. Clean my desk
9. Process Taste Checks
10. Love what I do
11.  Call Auction winners
12. Take office pictures

Now about that gratitude thing. Here's my list of things I am grateful for today.  I hope this will inspire you to write your own list no matter how silly or serious.  Just write it down and feel grateful ;-)

1.  I'm grateful that I am who I am.  I know that's all Popeye sounding, but there are really some things that I like about myself and as I get older I'm liking myself even more ;-)  It's a really good feeling and I wonder if everyone likes themselves.  I'm pretty secure and confident and I like that about me.  So why not be grateful for it.

2. Always grateful for Bill.  He is my rock forever and always.  I am grateful for the sound of his voice on the other end of the phone during the day.  I love it when he calls me to share moments, thoughts or funny ideas.  I still to this day get a thrill at the sound of his voice and when I see him at the end of my day. How's that for something to be grateful for.  I'm more in love today than I was when I first married him ;-)

3.  Gracie.  Man is she a trip.  I am so grateful for having been blessed with such a funny, sweet and special girl.  She just cracks me up.  Her personality is a ray of sunshine that can pull me out of any funk instantly.  I'm very grateful that she is healthy and happy and safe.

4. food.  No joke.  I spend a lot of time each spring working on a fundraiser for our local foodbank.  Do you know how many people in America do not have enough food?  Seriously!!!  I'm not kidding.  I am very grateful that I have so much food that I overeat and gain weight!!!!!  Gracie has never known hunger and poverty and I am so grateful for that.

5.  My back.  Yeah, it's got some issues, but I see people in wheelchairs all the time who have spines that do not work anymore.  So mine may hurt, but I'm grateful that I can feel the pain, keep walking and function pretty normally. 

6.  Computers.  God I love these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7.  The internet.....dittio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. My mom.  I am so grateful to have her with me.  Gracie gets to have the kind of relationship with her that I had with my grama and I know how much that meant to me.  I get to have my friend and mommy with me every day and I really like her too ;-)

9.  Bill's family.  I am so grateful to have such a good, cool set of in-laws.  No drama, lots of fun and lots of love and people I genuinely like!   What more can you ask for.

10.  Star Trek.  Really.  I couldn't fall asleep last night and I just needed to unwind.  I went downstairs after everyone was asleep and Star Trek 4 the Voyage Home was on.  I watched the whole thing.  It was like putting on an old well-loved robe.  A few holes and a little worn in spots, but exactly what you need when you are feeling achy ;-)

Yes, I have sooooo much to be grateful for.  I am one lucky girl ;-)